Men, we’ve talked about how your wife needs you. Specifically, she needs you to do whatever it takes to know Jesus, to see Jesus, to walk with Jesus, and to become more like Jesus. We’ve also talked about how she needs you to be a man of prayer, who is praying for her. We’ll continue this series with something fairly obvious, and it’s that she needs love.
Now that’s probably not going to strike you as the most original thought I’ve ever had. But it is true, and it is not as easy to live out as it is to say. As I write this, I’ve been married for 19 years, and on the one hand that makes me quite a love expert. I mean, I’ve been practicing loving Dana for a really long time now. I’ve put in my 10,000 hours and more, so that should make me an expert.
But here’s the challenge: It’s hard to stay consistent with anything for 19 years. We see that with other areas in our lives, right? Whether it’s my hobbies or my habits, it is human nature to ebb and flow over time. I’ve had months where I’ve run consistently, but also months and years where I haven’t. I’ve had years where I’ve done a great job in my gardening hobby, and years where I let it fall by the wayside. What I’m getting at is that I’m not exactly a model of consistency when it comes to, well, anything. I do pretty well for a while, and I start out passionate about something, but then later on it’s like “Well, I don’t know, I’ve got these other things I’m interested in now.” And while loving my wife well is much different than gardening, my point is that it doesn’t come naturally to keep your foot on the gas when it comes to love.
…or Too Consistent
And if you manage to stay consistent, then it’s hard to avoid getting into a rut. It is pretty easy to set the cruise control and let the miles fly by. It’s easy to zone out and keep doing what you’re doing. We figure “Hey, I’ll just keep doing this for 50 or 60 years and we’re good!”
But I don’t think that’s how it’s supposed to be. God wants us to continue to grow and change and reinvent what it means to be in love with our wives. Maybe He wants us to keep searching for new things to do and new ways to show our love. The $5 bouquet from HyVee isn’t the ONLY way I can show her that I love her. Maybe there’s something new. Maybe there’s something different that she needs from me this year and in this season of life.
What Season Is It?
So men, we know that all we really need is love, but what does that look like today? What does that look like this week, this month, this year, this season? What does your wife need from you? First, ask Holy Spirit. He knows. He knows what she needs. He’s actually in her head. Trust me, the only way you’ll ever have a chance of reading her mind is by asking Holy Spirit to read it for you! Second, ask her. That’s the next best way to read her mind. Just ask her what she’s thinking and feeling.
Third, write it down! It’s not romantic to write things down, I’ll give you that. But it’s even less romantic to ask her what she wants, and then she tells you, and then you forget. That’s not a good plan. So write it down so that you can remember. It’s not that hard: Ask, then listen, then write, then love.
Make the Investment
The point of this post is that our wives need our love. This was true on our wedding day, and on our first anniversary, and it is just as true today. I am the only person on the planet who can fill this particular need, so I will learn what my wife needs from me. I need to keep learning how to love her well. She’s worth it!