Your wife’s birthday – it happens every year. A lot of husbands struggle to bring much creativity to this area of their lives, so I hope that this post will help change that. C’mon guys – we’re problem solvers! That is what we exist and get paid to do! So we can tackle this opportunity in exactly the same way as we would approach any other high risk, high reward situation. This is a day where you can show her that she is valuable, and, more importantly, you value her. This is a day that she can really feel that you delight in her. If you can achieve that, your efforts will be worth it.
Holy Birthday To You
It appears that God may have given you marriage to make you holy. (See Here.) If that is true, consider your wife’s birthday the annual High Holy Day. This is the number one day for you to serve your wife unselfishly, with nothing expected in return! OK, Mother’s Day could be #1, depending on how many kids you have and how old they are, but your honey’s birthday is at least a close second. So this is a day where you will be focusing in on who she is and how you can bless her. Here are some ideas.
Make sure you remember her birthday. Make sure you get her a card. Most years you probably should at least get a $10 bouquet of flowers from Walmart or the grocery store. (You’ll be there buying her card anyway!) : ) It is hard to convince her that you care about her if you mess up the basics because you are a rookie or you have gotten lackadaisical over time. Start strong!
This could be a surprise birthday party that involves a lot of time and planning. You could also ask her friends to do something for her, like writing her notes about what they like about her. Your coordination and effort will show that you love her and care for her. And by strengthening her bonds with her friends you will multiply the blessings.
Involve the Kids
Getting your kids involved, just like Mother’s Day, can multiply the blessing. My wife invests a ton of time and energy into our kids, so I like to have them return the favor for special days. They love being creative and blessing her! This is another way to multiply your effect, by showing her just how much she means to others in her life. Make sure to help them to do a good job, without emphasizing perfection. You want it to be from them.
Wash Her With Words
The thing that would make many wives the happiest for her birthday is a nice conversation. Getting someone to watch your kids for 2 hours while you go out for ice cream or coffee could be just the break she needs. Take this opportunity to talk about whatever she wants. Or, you could lead (remember, she wants you to lead) by asking deeper questions about her or about your relationship or your future. Do a Google search for “Conversation Starters For Married Couples” to find good ideas like this or this. Not every wife will want to have a deep conversation on her birthday – you just need to know your wife and the stage she is in and act accordingly. When we are on the topic of words, use some uplifting Scriptures to tell her how much she means to you. There is the old stand-by Proverbs 31, as well as other Proverbs and Song of Solomon. See more examples at the bottom of this post.
We realized that the process of serving 4 kids 24/7/365 (366 some years) has made Dana really appreciate the power of service. What I mean is that she needs to be served. Think about what her ‘spa treatment’ would be and see if you can get that for her. For Dana, giving her the opportunity to have a long hot bath without being interrupted is a good start. Sometimes this means that I take the kids to the park or the pool so that she is left alone, or else it may just mean that she locks the door and I stand guard to prevent unauthorized access. When in doubt, ask one of her friends what kind of pampering would be fun and within your budget.
The first thing you have to know about gifts is your wife’s perspective on them. How high are gifts on her list of love languages? If gifts are her most important area, then this is where you need to focus, and where you need to start planning long in advance. “It’s the thought that counts” was not a phrase of her invention. So you need to work hard to get nice gifts that are thoughtfully purchased, carefully wrapped, and expertly delivered to her. My wife is not as concerned with gifts, but that doesn’t mean I am off the hook completely. A gift is still an important gesture of caring. The key, though, is with your ear and not with your wallet. Listen! Listen to her throughout the year to find out what she likes or what she would really like to have. We have a rule that we don’t play games and so I don’t usually have to read between the lines and crack the code/decipher/interpret what she wants. But I do have to pay attention, listen, and write things down. Oh, and pray. Once in a while the Holy Spirit will prompt me with just the right gift idea at just the right time. (Perhaps I should have led off with this one.)
I want my wife to feel an extra dose of affection and value on her birthday. These are just a few ideas that have been encouraging to my wife. What ideas do you have? Please share – we are all in this together.
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Proverbs 12:4 ESV
An excellent wife is the crown of her husband,
Proverbs 31:10-31 ESV
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. …
Proverbs 18:22 ESV
He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.
Proverbs 19:14 ESV
House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the Lord.
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
For I know the plans I have for you, ‘Declare The Lord,’ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.
Song of Solomon 4:9
You have stolen my heart, my bride;
you have stolen my heart
with one glance of your eyes,
with one jewel of your necklace.
Nice! Lot’s of pointers here. I think I can take this to the bank for an annual birthday checklist!