What Culture Are We In?

They say that Culture to humans is like Water to fish…the fish doesn’t realize he’s in water.  It’s just the normal environment.  So what type of water are our kids swimming in?

Jonathan Haidt has put together an incredible book addressing that question, and the answer is pretty scary.  In his bestselling book “The Anxious Generation,” he outlines the challenges that Kids These Days are facing.  On the one hand, they face the same basic issues that we faced and that our parents and their parents faced.  But on the other hand, they are living in truly unprecedented times.  Jonathan lays out a compelling argument that 2 major trends have affected our kids:

1. A culture that emphasizes safety and protection, trying to avoid any danger, and minimizing all risks.
2. A sudden availability of all sorts of screens that allow advertisers, companies, and terrible people to have 24-7 access to your child’s eyes, ears, and mind.

Risk Minimization (On Purpose)

There are a lot of good memes out there that highlight the playground equipment of our youth…sky high slides made of steel, with minimal guard rails, heated to 212 F in the summer sun.  ‘Car Seats’ that basically consisted of a seat and a crossbar.  Riding your bike around the neighborhood and coming home at dark, and your parents had literally no idea where you were for the past 5 hours.  Etc, etc.  Some of that is made up or embellished, but a lot of it is true.  You may protest, “I’m not a helicopter parent!  Or lawnmower parent.  I let my kid take risks!”  And that may be true, but in general, in our culture, our generation of parents have worked really hard to minimize risks.  Of course that is not all bad, but perhaps there are some unintended consequences?  What if all of this protection has gotten in the way of Play?

Electronic Doorways (On Accident)

Phones and tablets and computers are doorways that can allow your child to see the world and be seen by the world.  It provides new ways to accomplish positive things, and it also all opens up new and creative ways to feel left out.  As parents, we have to work VERY hard to guard these new entrances into our homes, in ways that our parents didn’t have to consider.  What if these new doorways have caused our kids to grow up in a different culture than we did?

A Scary Experiment

According to his book,

“Our kids are suffering from a mental health crisis. The shift from a “play-based childhood” to a “phone-based childhood” has led to social isolation, disrupted sleep, diminished focus, and expectations of instant gratification. At the same time, the rise in intensive parenting has created a harmful paradox: Kids have been overprotected offline and underprotected online.”

-Excerpt from Free The Anxious Generation, by Dr. Becky Kennedy and Jonathan Haidt

In his book, he shares statistic after statistic that all point to the fact that our kids are growing up in a totally different world.  Even if your kids do not have phones or devices, they are growing up around kids who have been shaped by this scary cultural experiment.  The ‘water that they’re swimming in’ will certainly affect them, regardless, but it will be especially toxic if we don’t do our part to shield them.

What Can We Do?

Jonathan’s challenge to us is simple:  “Parents can coordinate with each other to establish four new norms that will roll back the phone-based childhood, improve family life, and protect their children’s mental health.”  He then lays out 3 clear guidelines that he thinks will make a powerful difference for our kids:

1. No smartphone before high school.
2. No social media before 16.
3. Give more independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world.

At Our Purposeful Life, we have seen the positive results of these 3 simple interventions.  We have tried our best to let them get muddy, and roam a little farther than our comfortable zone.  We also started them out very young with responsibilities, chores, and expectations.  Our kids have received a locked down smartphone when they received their learner’s permit for the car, and they have eased into social media while they were under our roof.

Jonathan also lays out one last guideline for how we can impact our kids’ school:

4. Advocate for phone-free schools.  (Most schools pretend  that you can’t have a phone at school, but he means actually No Phones in School.)

It is a good reminder that if we want to impact the culture, it is helpful to band together with other parents to set healthy boundaries that impact everyone.  It’s hard to be the one kid at school who doesn’t have their phone out at lunch.  It’s much easier if no one has a phone out, so everyone has to engage in conversation.

Don’t Be Anxious

Parents – don’t worry.  In the Bible we see the example of Daniel and his 3 friends.  They were teenagers in a pagan nation, and they had a confidence and a conviction that empowered them to stand strong against the currents of culture.  Our kids can too!  Keep the conversations going with your kids!  And don’t do this alone.  Check out these other resources that you can use to help protect your kids in this Anxious Generation:

OPL: Technology

OPL: Guard Your Heart

OPL: Emotions

Intentional Parents Podcast

Jonathan Haidt’s Resources: 

Book

Parent Guide

Discussion

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Now technically, the best parenting book is the Bible. That’s the Sunday school answer. But if we’re honest, at first glance, the Bible is confusing when it comes to parenting. For one thing, there is not a book of the Bible that is devoted to parenting. This seems strange at first, because parenting is really important. I have often wondered why Paul didn’t write a book that was specifically about parenting. I mean, he didn’t even write a full chapter about parenting in any of his books. Have you ever thought about that? Why didn’t Paul in the letter to the church in Philippi or Jerusalem or Ephesus or Rome or wherever, why didn’t he include a chapter to say, “Ok, parents, here’s the deal. This is how you parent. This is how you raise up a generation that will love the Lord their God. This is how you do it. The entire future depends on it!”  Have you ever wondered why he didn’t do that? I’ve often wondered that, and I still don’t know the answer. My best guess is based on what we do know about God and what we do know about His Word. We know that from beginning to end, God has been interested in relationship. He’s been interested in our hearts.  So maybe He wants us to pursue Him and read His entire Bible as we learn how to be the parents that our kids need us to be.  Maybe it’s a good thing that Paul didn’t share 10 tips and tricks to get our kids to behave.

With that in mind, we want to share our favorite parenting book with you.  The reason that we love it so much is that it isn’t simply 10 tips and tricks to get your kids to behave.  Instead, the authors remind us that our Number 1 Goal is to raise kids who love God.  Period.  That is the goal.  And the first step towards that goal is for us to be followers of Jesus.  They start from that foundation, and then they add on a ton of practical ways to put the Bible into practice as we raise our kids in this modern era.  The title of the book is Raising Passionate Jesus Followers, and it is written by Phil and Diane Comer.  They raised a handful of kids who have grown up to be adults who love Jesus passionately, including the author John Mark Comer.  Phil and Diane host a podcast with one of their daughters and her husband, called Intentional Parenting.  They are raising young kids and are in the thick of all of the issues that come up, and they bring so much wisdom and transparency and joy and hope to every conversation. We highly recommend this book, and we highly recommend this podcast!!

Raising Passionate Jesus Followers is the best book we’ve ever found that helps us apply the truth of Scripture to our parenting journey.  If you haven’t read it, we hope that you’ll pick up a copy today!

Other Resources:

OPL: The Best Parenting Books

The post Literally The Best Parenting Book appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

Daily Faith and Memorable Events

First, our faith must be a part of our daily life. In Deuteronomy 6, God gave the Israelites the expectation that families would talk about God’s word morning and evening, at home and on the road. They would be part of all aspects of the day, no matter where we were.

But God also knew that humans get bored and distracted easily, and that we are prone to forgetfulness. For that reason, He gave them feasts and fasts, which were special ceremonies to make things meaningful and keep them on the forefront of their minds. He gave them Sabbath each week. He gave them Passover and Pentecost and several other feasts each year. The Jewish people then built out a parenting structure that included ceremonial trips to the Temple, like when Jesus was a baby and when he was 12. They also created the bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah rites of passage, and they had elaborate marriage rituals that signified the transition from childhood to adulthood.

We don’t have Scriptural record of what this looked like for Jesus. However, we know that God did create rites of passage for Jesus, at age 30! He was baptized and then was initiated into his ministry by a 40 day wilderness challenge.

In our secular society we have lost both the daily Deuteronomy 6 activities and the lifelong systems and ceremonies that are designed to initiate our sons and daughters into adulthood. As a church family we can build those back in, together. We know so many parents who have made this a priority for their kids, and we are enjoying this process ourselves!

What would this look like? Well, it will look different for every family. However, we have found a few common themes that we call Milestones and Mountaintop experiences

Mile Markers or Milestones

Definition: “An action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.”

On a family road trip, mile markers are set-in-stone reminders of where you are in the world.  We encounter these in our kids’ lives as well.  As parents we have to pay attention to the mile markers that each child is hitting. Things like birthdays, going into kindergarten, earning a driver’s license, and starting puberty. They mark the normal path each child takes on their way to adulthood. Other possible mile markers are when your child is eligible to go to Youth Group and Summer Camp.

These are natural steps along the journey to adulthood. Some are really meaningful and memorable, and others really just fade into the ‘normal path of life.’  As you encounter these, it is an opportunity to pause and have ‘conversations along the way.’  For example, be ready to talk about what is going to happen and help give them the tools to navigate the next steps in their journey.  These can be very meaningful conversations, at crucial moments. It also allows you to lay the foundation of truth about that subject matter before the world infiltrates their ideas into their minds.

There are other milestones that focus more on relationships that you can weigh into and set the tone and expectations of how to navigate the upcoming situations. These can include situations like walking through first dating relationships and school dance. Technology training is so important. We can’t just give them their first smart phone without the proper training. As they get older intentional conversations on Money management/personal finance, how to apply for their first job, what career to choose, where to go to college are milestones the invite conversations. These milestone moments will differ from family to family and kid to kid. What’s important is that you prepare and take the time to recognize and lead your child through the steps.

Mountaintop Experiences

Definition: “A moment of profound revelation, clarity, or intense spiritual connection, often signifying a feeling of being especially close to God or experiencing a significant personal insight.”

These are the most meaningful destinations along the journey where we stop and reflect and celebrate! As parents, we have the ability to create a small handful of important experiences that your child will never forget. These could be ceremonies, dinners, events that allow you to speak truth, life and encouragement into your child. It’s a time for bigger conversations. Some might even include a hard challenge. There are 5 core experiences that we like to focus on, but the Adventures can be combined or expanded, depending on the family.

1. Salvation
2. Baptism (Age varies but they should be old enough to remember it.)
3. Starting the path to adulthood (usually 13th or 14th birthday)
4. Adventures/Trips, ideally these 3, but can be consolidated:
   1. Overseas Mission Trip (age varies)
   2. Trip/Experience/Hard Challenge (sometime in high school)
   3.  Junior/Senior Trip with a Parent (around 18/19)
5.  Graduation from High School (usually 18 or 19)

Resources:

As you think about your child, what milestones are ahead? What Mountaintop Experiences would you like to create for them?

Here is a resource we have created to help you map out the Milestones and Mountaintop experiences for your child.  You can do this!

The Road to Adulthood

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Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus

A while ago I went to a wonderful conference in Nashville. It was an amazing and much-needed time of refreshing. The opening session put my mind on track to really get all that I needed from God the rest of my time there. I needed a mind shift, a perspective change, and they took care of it right off the bat. They talked about no matter what your job title or calling is, we all have one line on our job description that each of us is called to do. Each one of us is called to give thanks to God!

Most likely we have all had seasons where we are standing strong, and others where we are struggling or nursing wounds. In both it is important to remember this line from our job description. If we do, we will experience our heavenly Father in new and intimate ways. When we are strong and things are going well, we need to not forget that God has had a hand in it. We need to thank Him for the blessings and joy we are experiencing. When we are struggling, we have an opportunity to get into His presence and experience His comfort, strength and love in new and profound ways. Then I believe there is a third situation we might find ourselves in. It is the in-between season. We aren’t fully strong but we also aren’t in the trenches. We are fine but not great.  Here but not thriving. We are stuck. It seems like there is just one last hurdle that we have to get over to have full and complete healing. 

As I was contemplating these stages at the conference, I heard these four simple words, Give Thanks to God. Now I know these are not “new” words. I have heard them many times and have even said them, but my heart has not been able to say them lately without a little clause on the end.

• I will thank God for all that He has provided, but I wish things would have happened in a different way.
• I will thank God for the ways He has healed my heart, but if He could just whip so and so into shape I wouldn’t have to protect my heart so much and I could love more freely and easily.
• I will thank God for ordering my steps, but I wish things would change a little faster.

The clause at the end made it so I couldn’t simply love God and be grateful for who He is just because He is who He says He is.

After that session, I went back to my room and looked up “Give Thanks” to see what those Scriptures said. I started to write the references down and quickly noticed a pattern. There were several different phrases that continued to be tied to the word “Give Thanks.” The two top reasons on why we should give thanks is because: God is good and God’s love endures forever. (Psalm 136)

Think about it. Those two reasons alone are reason enough to be thankful. Reason enough to not book a second, or third or tenth pity party.  If we are to be truly thankful, we have to believe those two facts about God. They have to be Truth in your life:

God is good and He will love you forever!!

As I looked up these Scriptures I made a list of all the reasons that we should be thankful. I pray that as we enter into the month of Thanksgiving we can all take a holiday from our worry, doubt, fear and anxiety and just focus on these few (but amazing) reasons to be thankful. There are so many more that we could list, but this will get you started! 

Give Thanks because:

1. He is good: Nahum 1:7, Psalm 34:8, Psalm 107:1, Romans 8:28
2. His love endures forever: 1 Chronicles 16:34, Psalm 100:5, Psalm 136
3. He delivers: Psalm 18: 1-3, Psalm 32:7, Psalm 34:4, 17 Psalm 107:6
4. He is glorious: Deuteronomy 32:3-4, Psalm 111:3
5. He does good deeds: Psalm 9:1, James 1:17
6. He is righteous: Psalm 116:5, Zephaniah 3:5, Ezra 9:15
7. He answers: Psalm 34:17, Proverbs 15:29, 1 John 5:14-15
8. He is our salvation: Psalm 27:1-3, Psalm 62: 6-8, Isaiah 12:2
9. He is the God of gods and Lord of lords: Deuteronomy 10:17, Daniel 2:47, Revelation 19:16
10. He is the God of Heaven: Psalm 146:6-9, Acts 17: 24-28
11. He is the Lord Almighty: Psalm 91:1-2, Psalm 80:19, Revelation 1:8
12. He gives grace: 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Ephesians 2: 8-9, James 4:6-7
13. He gives us victory through Jesus Christ: 1 Corinthians 15:57, 2 Corinthians 2:14
14. His gracious favor: Psalm 5:12, Psalm 84:11, Psalm 106:4
15. He lives forever: Isaiah 57:15
16. He is powerful: Psalm 147:5, Isaiah 40:38, Isaiah 44:6
17. He is our strength: Exodus 15:2, Psalm 28:7, Psalm 46:1-3
18. He is able to do all things: Genesis 18:14, Job 42:2, Mark 10:27, Luke 1:37, Ephesians 3:20-21
19. He is faithful: Psalm 13:5-6, Psalm 91:4, 1 Corinthians 1:9, 1 Corinthians 10:13, 2 Thessalonians 3:3, Hebrews 10:23, 2 Timothy 2:13, 1 John 1:9
20. He will never leave you: Deuteronomy 31:6, Joshua 1:9, Hebrews 13:10

We can change our life through the choices that we make. We can choose to go with the flow or settle for whatever life throws our way. Or we can choose to remember our job description found in 1 Thessalonians 5: 16-18. Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. So no matter what life circumstance you are facing today, use the month of November to choose to be thankful. Even if your marriage is falling apart, your kids are making foolish choices, you are miserable at your job or your friend has wounded you. Even if… fill in the blank. Use these 22 reasons can turn your life around. Read them over and over. Speak them out loud. Believe them in your heart. Be thankful for these promises!

Other Thanksgiving Posts:

OPL: Thankful Box   Check out this post for fun family activities to do together

OPL: Be Thankful

The post 2 Reasons to be Thankful (And 20 More) appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

Have you ever read the book “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie?”  In the book, the mouse is never satisfied and keeps asking for the next thing.  Today’s post about phones and technology could be called “If You Give a Kid a Chainsaw.”  If you give a kid a chainsaw, you’d better provide some adult supervision while you teach them how to use it!  Just like a chainsaw, a phone or tablet or laptop or TV is an incredible tool.  And just like a chainsaw, technology can cause a lot of damage if it is not used carefully.  Most of us can not afford to get rid of our technology, so we will need to help our kids keep themselves safe in this new environment.

Start With Me

We may sound like a broken record but with anything in parenting it first starts with an honest evaluation of yourself.  I have to ask myself: “What are my technology habits? Do I set an example that I want my children to follow?”

From there, we can think about the problems that technology may create for me, and for my kids:

Technology can get in our way of connection with God.  We train our brains to be distracted by the constant entertainment, so we aren’t able to stay focused in real life.  We crowd out all moments of quiet, so we don’t leave time to pause and actually be able to hear from the Lord.  (Have you checked your Screen Time lately?)  Ultimately, technology just takes up time that we could use deepening our relationship with the Lord.

Technology can also get in the way of our connection with others.  We can start to get out of practice with the art of conversation and real life friendship.  We have to help our kids learn how to make eye contact and carry on a full conversation.  (see our How To Talk to Strangers post)

Technology can interfere with You being fully You.  Sometimes being bored is the beginning of creativity.  Maybe that’s why you think of things in the shower or when you’re on a run…your mind can actually wander and reflect for a moment.  The dopamine rush of social media and fantasy football and email and chats and knowing everything distracts you from things you really wanted to do, and it doesn’t leave time to explore new things or dive in deeper to hobbies and interests.

Oh, and it gives us access to every wicked and evil thing in the world, and gives them access to us.  (Remember, the World is not neutral.  It’s out to get us, and our little kids too!)

So what do we do???

Protect Time- create situations where they crave human interaction more than their technology

• Protect God time: Make spiritual time a priority…corporate, family and individual time
• Protect Meal Time: no electronics at the table. Focus on connection and conversation.
• Protect Bedtime: no electronics in their room. Have a central location for docking everything.
• Protect Family Time: make it a priority, focus on building relationships, and eliminate distractions.

Guard their hearts- our job as parents is to guard their hearts until they can do it themselves

• Put guards on technology
• Guards don’t block everything so put rules on technology
• Help them crave things that actually fill their souls
• Help them to guard their own heart
  • They need to believe that only God’s opinion matters. They do not need the opinion or approval of others. We want our kids to know they are unconditionally loved and accepted by God and us as their parent.
  • They need to know we are called to be set apart for God. We are called to be different. God made them unique-God made them on purpose for a purpose. He doesn’t want them to look like anyone else!

We live in a world that is dependent on technology.  It’s just a tool, and it can be used for good.  As parents, let’s equip our kids to handle it safely! 

Here is a list of resources that can help you:

See these posts for some of our other thoughts and favorite resources about walking with your kids through the dangers of childhood:

Guard Your Heart: Movies and Video Games

Stranger Danger!

5 Key Tips for Safe Conversations with Kids

The post Technology appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

Do you basically assume that we’d all be better off if we didn’t have any emotions?

Or maybe you let your emotions take the wheel and drive you wherever they want you to go.

Raising healthy kids means that we raise kids who are able to handle their emotions.  We want to help you raise godly children who are emotionally intelligent and emotionally healthy.  

Emotions Are From God

“Jesus wept” is the shortest verse in the Bible, but it is powerful. It shows that Jesus had emotions. He had deep enough emotions that His body responded in a way that His emotions were visible. Our children are a lot like Jesus in this way. We often know exactly what they are feeling just by looking at them. They are, however, often unlike Jesus in the way that they express those feelings, especially when they are little. Our children do not always practice self-control with their emotions, and they aren’t always responding in a godly manner. They are, in fact, humans.

It is our job as parents to help them navigate all the “feels.” We need to help them understand what they are feeling and then how to respond in a godly way to those feelings.

Emotions are indicators that something is going on. They should not dictate your reaction but instead alert you that something needs to be addressed. Having a more accurate vocabulary to describe how you are truly feeling is key to getting the healing and support you need to move on. It is important that we help our kids pause long enough to figure out what they are feeling and why they are feeling it. This skill set is key to navigating life with all its ups and downs. When emotions occur we want our child to create a habit of taking that emotion to the Lord first and asking Him what to do with it. Next we want to teach our kids to dive into Scripture to see what God says about it. Next we can help them learn how to respond to that emotion in a God honoring way.

But we know that this isn’t easy!  That’s why we have created two Family Conversation Guides that will help you to guide your kids as they navigate the big world of Emotions.  Part 1 is about getting the conversations started and understanding our emotions.  Part 2 is all about action – responding to emotions in a God-honoring way.  Here is what each Guide contains:

Family Conversations:  Emotions, Part 1

• A guide to having the “What is an emotion” conversation
• Emotion Emojis and an Emotions Wheel with vocabulary words to describe and identify emotions
• A fun activity to do with your kids so that talking about emotions can become a normal thing in your family
• A guide to creating a safe environment in your home for emotions conversations
• Our favorite emotions resources

Family Conversations: Emotions, Part 2

• A guide to helping your children go deeper and understand the root cause of their emotions and ‘the emotions behind the emotions’
• A great list of Scriptures that go along with 31 different emotions, so you can help your children respond to their emotions with Truth
• An activity to do with your kids to help them brainstorm some possible Godly responses to the situation.

We hope that these resources can get you started and support you in your efforts to guide your kids through their emotions.  We want to help you raise godly children who are emotionally intelligent and emotionally healthy.  Join us on this journey of creating family conversations in your home!

The post Emotions appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

Because of the busyness of this season, when we hit The Holiday Season we have to be incredibly purposeful about planning for the next year.  We have also learned that we have to simplify our process and lower our expectations for what is a Win in this season.  We have boiled our annual goal-setting process down to 2 events and 4 documents.  Would you like to see what we do?

Event 1: Family Night

We set aside one night where we reflect as a family about the year that just passed, and the year that is to come.  This is our Family Goal Setting Night.  It’s not complicated…we have some tasty snacks, we shut off the devices, and we go through the 3 documents listed below!  We take a few hours to do this, but you can make it as long or as short as you want.

Document 1 – Year In Review:

This is so fun!  We spend some time thinking back over the events of the year.  We look through pictures to remind us of the fun year, and we look through the calendar.  It is always amazing to think back over all that has happened and the memories that have been made. We also realize that time really does fly!

Document 2 – Kid Interview:

This is like a time capsule that you fill out every year.  Investing just a few minutes on this activity each year keeps a record of each child’s development.  But more importantly, we believe that as parents we should be students of our kids.  We should know what they love and we should be interested in the things that interest them.  Asking them these questions helps you to know them a little better and gives you insight on how to spend some time in their world.

Document 3 – Goals (Kids or Teens or Personal)

Now we’re getting into the true Goals part of the process.  No matter how old or young we are, we can each have goals for the next year.  Not sure how to lead your children through the process?  We wrote a post to help you!

How do you help your kids make goals? – Our Purposeful Life

(Technically, there are 3 documents here…one for Kids, one for Teens, and one for Adults.  We need to set goals too!)

Event 2:  24 Hour Planning Time

We find 24 hours on our calendar where Dana and I can get away and leave the kids with the grandparents.  We spend time together having fun, we reflect on the past year, and we plan for the year ahead.  I can’t stress enough how important it is to start the year on the same page with your spouse!  It makes all the difference!   You may feel intimidated about attempting this, but don’t be!  Here are some of the conversation starters you can use to get started!

Conversation Starters for Marriage and Parenting – Our Purposeful Life

Document 4 – Marriage and Parenting Goals:

Marriage is hard, but worth it.  Parenting is hard, but so rewarding.  We use this document, along with our Conversation Starters, to tiptoe into the somewhat scary waters of “how are we doing?”  We usually start with doing something fun together, and then discuss some of the logistics of the year that is to come.  Then we use this document to help us go deeper in our relationship.  You can do it, and it’s worth it!

Why Goals?

You may wonder if it is really necessary to have all of these goals.  Why is it so important?  Here are some of our thoughts about WHY goals can transform your parenting, your marriage, and your personal life.

Personal Goals

God Ordained Adventurous Life

New Year – New Start!

We pray that as we close out this year and start the new one, may the next chapter in your story be merry and bright! 

The post A Simple Map For Setting Goals For the Whole Family appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

As Nathan and I were praying over this coming year, God gave us the word “Grow” for our family. The verse that really spoke to us was Colossians 2:6-7. (NLT)

And now, just as you accepted Christ Jesus as your Lord, you must continue to follow Him. Let your roots grow down into Him, and let your lives be built on Him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

We desire that our faith and our children’s faith will continue to grow strong in truth. As we are getting ready to visit colleges this spring with our oldest, the idea of a child leaving our home is becoming more and more of a reality. We only have one and half years left to train and equip her for her future and for interacting with the world. Of course this won’t all stop the day she leaves for college, but we all know that our relationship will change.  We want her to be ready, and we want to make good use of every day!  

It’s a Process

In Colossians, Paul was encouraging the believers to continue to follow God. To actually accomplish that it takes action. It takes learning, changing and growing. In this fast paced world, it also takes focus. The only way that we have found to achieve what we have set out to do is to make goals. Not only to make them, but to post them and revisit them throughout the year. Do we always accomplish all our goals? Of course NOT! But we do succeed with more of them than if we didn’t take the time to write them down in the first place.

Are goals something that you are already doing? If so, awesome!! Comment below how you do it and how you help yourself accomplish them. If this is something new to you or something you always intend to do but don’t quite know where to start, we have some resources available for you today to get you started. 

Anytime you start to think about goals it should always begin with prayer. Only God knows what this next year will bring. Only God knows what you need to focus on, what you need to grow in or what you need to let go. 

Not Alone

This year I am reading through the New Testament and something in Matthew 2 stuck out to me and I have not been able to stop thinking about it. In Matthew 2:20-23 we learn two things about Jesus. One that His name will be Jesus and He will save us from our sins. This will be His mission here on earth. Second, We learn an important and valuable piece of information about Jesus. His name is also Immanuel, which means, God is with us! God intended for us to do life WITH Him. Not just check in with Him here and there but to daily, hourly be walking with Him. 

As you think about what you want this next year to look like, invite Him into the process. Take the time to listen to His voice and see what direction He leads you. Then write it all down. Next, post it in a place where you will see it and be reminded of your goals. Lastly mark it on your calendar to set aside time throughout the year to evaluate your progress. 

Ongoing Process

Throughout the year when you are looking at your goals, think about how you have grown and what you have accomplished. Take the time to celebrate those moments and thank God for your success. Then think about the goals that you haven’t made as much progress as you would have liked. Talk to God about them. Ask Him if they are still the right goals for this year. If you feel like they are, then ask Him to reveal to you any hindrances you have that might be preventing you from reaching those goals. 

Everything in life has a mental, physical, emotional and spiritual side to it. You also have an enemy that is on high alert and will do anything that he can to prevent you from growing in your faith and becoming more like Christ. Spend some time asking the Lord to speak to you and show you the way forward. Sometimes it means focusing on healing. Sometimes you need to give something up. Other times you just need the reminder so you can refocus your time and energy.

Getting Started

So where do you begin? Below are some printables to help you get started. Each printable has a guide that will take you through the process of coming up with your goals for the year. A lot of times it is better to pick a few specific goals then to have a lot of broad, general goals. There are more types of goals below than you have time to actually accomplish. This is where prayer is so important. Look over the printables and then ask the Lord where to begin. Just do the ones you feel led to do and leave the rest. (Just don’t avoid the hard one- remember God is with you. With Him you will be able to accomplish more than you could ever do on your own! Trust Him to lovingly lead you!)

Our prayer is that in 2023 you actively follow Christ. That your roots will be grounded in Christ and that everything you do will come out of your solid foundation of the truth of the Word. That your faith will continue to grow and that you will live a life of thankfulness giving God all the glory for what He has done. 

God has good things in store for you in 2023! 

Check out these Printables to get you started:

For You:

Personal Goals 

Marriage and Parenting Goals

For Your Kids:

Kid’s Goals

Teen’s Goals

2022 Year in Review

New Years Kids Interview

See this blog post for more direction on how to use the kids goal sheets.

https://ourpurposefullife.com/how-do-you-help-your-kids-make-goals/ 

Check out this blog post to help you get started

G.O.A.L blog post  https://ourpurposefullife.com/g-o-a-l/ 

The post New Year- New Start! appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

Christmas also provides an opportunity for us to pause and remember the reason we can be filled with love, hope, joy and peace in a world that is full of hatred and confusion. It is a time to remember the precious gift of God’s son, Jesus. Jesus who came to earth as a man so that He could experience life as a human. He knows and understands all the emotions we are feeling, especially those felt around the holidays. He is ready and able to comfort, support, rejoice and celebrate with us.

As we gear up for all the holiday fun, make sure you take the time to plan out your week each week. Don’t let your schedule dictate your priorities. Look at your calendar for the next 4 weeks and figure out how to make family traditions and remembering Jesus the top priority for your family. 

Here are some resources you can use to make your time together a little extra special.

Advent Guide: The reason for the season.

Christmas Family Selfie Challenge: All the activities, all the traditions!  Capture each memory!

KC Christmas Lights Tour : One of our favorite Christmas traditions!  Pile into the car to see the best lights KC has to offer!

Christmas Family Time– 10 Christmas activities to do as a family

Christmas Gift List – a planner for your gift buying (Updated Version)

Our Purposeful Life Christmas Collection:

Christmas Family Time – Our Purposeful Life

Merry Christmas! – Our Purposeful Life

Connected Christmas – Our Purposeful Life

Christmas Emotions – Our Purposeful Life

The post A Purposeful Christmas appeared first on Our Purposeful Life.

That is the number of miles we traveled this summer on our epic tour of the west. Yes, 5,885 miles where every member of our family was within 3 feet of each other. 16 days of traveling in a car or hiking through God’s beautiful creation. 15 days sleeping within arm’s distance of each other. 45 meals shared together. And at the end of this amazing trip we still liked each other, really we did!  We didn’t care to get back into the car for a few days, but we walked away cherishing the time spent together. Some would say it was a miracle. We say it is how we live on the daily.

When we talked about our adventure with friends and neighbors many responded with the question of “How did you do it and not kill each other?!?”  Several of our friends launched into the many reasons their own family would not survive a trip with such close quarters. Many stated their kids would kill each other or they would kill them because of the complaining or arguing.

I can say that our kids love each other, and actually like each other most of the time too. “Close Knit Family” is one of our core values, and this trip confirmed that we have succeeded in our goal. But how did we get here? 

If you have a sibling, you know that getting along isn’t easy or even natural. For some of you there is hurt and wounds that cause you to put up walls with your siblings or family. Others have experienced the joy and comfort of having siblings or parents at the ready to come comfort or celebrate, whichever is needed.  Still others would say their relationship with their siblings or family is neutral: neither good or bad, just there. 

After the third conversation we had with friends, we started to ponder why our kids get along so well. At the dinner table one night we decided to just ask them. Their insights were beautiful and deep. Today I am going to share with you their answers to why they get along so well.

Love

They love each other. We have a saying in our house: “Your siblings are the only friends you have guaranteed for life. Friends come and go, but family is forever.” Because of that we commit to work on this relationship the most. When you make the commitment to love, you naturally grow in your love for that person. You don’t allow the little things to bother you and instead offer forgiveness and grace. Love covers a multitude of sins.

Grand Canyon

Boundaries

Siblings have the power to bring you huge amounts of joy and also to be the most annoying person you have ever been around. You can actually experience both of those in the same afternoon! Our children have practice the skill of making boundaries with their siblings. They have been given permission to walk away and take the time to cool off before coming back and resolving the situation. They have been given a space to retreat, refresh and rejuvenate away from their siblings so they can come back in a better mental and emotional space. The kids like that they have the right and ability to say no or to ask another sibling to stop. A healthy relationship doesn’t mean that you have to always do what the other wants or be walked all over. They appreciated that we helped to make sure their siblings honored their no and their boundaries.

Redwood National Park

Know your Role

Your job is to be a sibling and friend not a parent and judge. Some siblings will have to set aside their burning desire to make sure their siblings obey, do things correctly or get the justice that they deserve. A healthy relationship gives the responsibility of training and discipline to the parents. Now this gets tricky if an older sibling is babysitting but it is important that the sibling takes that hat off when mom or dad are home.

It is also important to recognize and believe each person is needed in the family and no one is more important than the other. There doesn’t need to be any competition for value or love. Everyone plays a significant role in the family.

Sequoia National Park

Time Together

They make the conscious choice to prioritize time with their siblings. If it has been a few days and they haven’t had any quality time together they make room in their schedule to make it happen. Whether it is a card game or getting out the rollerblades they do something together.

Our oldest is two years away from leaving for college, she has realized her time with her siblings is slowly dwindling, so she evaluates her schedule and figures out time to spend with her brothers.

Sequoia

Choice

To have a healthy relationship you have to put aside your own needs and wants. Often what your siblings want to do, is not what you want to do. While there is time for compromise and getting what you want, more often than not it is important to lay down your own preferences so that you can serve your siblings. They shared several examples of times when they played a game or did an activity they did not want to do, and they actually ended up having more fun than they expected.

It is also important to choose to not let the little things bother you. Forgiveness and grace are key to a close knit relationship. It is also important to remember one day you will need it too. 

Yosemite

Don’t force it

Any time you force something to happen, it turns out to be a bust. Whether it induces anger or resentment, forcing your sibling to hang out with you doesn’t work. It is important to correctly evaluate your sibling so that you know when to push through or back off. Waiting a few minutes or hours to do something is worth it if it leads to a better bonding moment with your sibling.

Bonneville Salt Flats

Fun

Humor is key to a healthy relationship. Laughter and joy are needed, but it has to be the right humor that isn’t at the expense of one another. Tearing others down for the sake of a good laugh is not worth it. Humor should be used to build each other up or bring you closer, not tear you apart. Fun nicknames, family quotes, and inside jokes are a must!  This is like the oil that keeps the family gears turning smoothly.   

Joshua Tree

Make Memories

Go on adventures together. It could be an epic road trip, or it could be simply exploring the creek in your back yard. Do things together as a family and do them often.

Yosemite National Park

Something Built

A good relationship with your sibling is a choice. A choice you have to constantly make and remake. We all make mistakes and in the end we have to decide if the relationship is worth fighting for. Let’s choose today to make building your kid’s relationship with each other a priority.

What would you say is needed in a good, healthy and fun relationship with siblings?  What’s your secret?  We’d love to know! 

Multnomah Falls

Is this how your siblings make you feel?  

12 Mile Hike!

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