As we raise our kids, we want them to be world-changers. We don’t want them to just float along with the current of culture, which is a Lazy River part of the time and Class VI rapids part of the time. But if we are going to equip our kids to swim against the current of our culture, we do need to have a basic understanding of what the culture is. I don’t mean that you need to know all the latest slang and celebrity gossip and memes and internet famous, although it sometimes does help to stay informed. (We love Axis for that!) What I mean is, we need to understand what this era’s culture is really like.
What Culture Are We In?
They say that Culture to humans is like Water to fish…the fish doesn’t realize he’s in water. It’s just the normal environment. So what type of water are our kids swimming in?
Jonathan Haidt has put together an incredible book addressing that question, and the answer is pretty scary. In his bestselling book “The Anxious Generation,” he outlines the challenges that Kids These Days are facing. On the one hand, they face the same basic issues that we faced and that our parents and their parents faced. But on the other hand, they are living in truly unprecedented times. Jonathan lays out a compelling argument that 2 major trends have affected our kids:
- A culture that emphasizes safety and protection, trying to avoid any danger, and minimizing all risks.
- A sudden availability of all sorts of screens that allow advertisers, companies, and terrible people to have 24-7 access to your child’s eyes, ears, and mind.
Risk Minimization (On Purpose)
There are a lot of good memes out there that highlight the playground equipment of our youth…sky high slides made of steel, with minimal guard rails, heated to 212 F in the summer sun. ‘Car Seats’ that basically consisted of a seat and a crossbar. Riding your bike around the neighborhood and coming home at dark, and your parents had literally no idea where you were for the past 5 hours. Etc, etc. Some of that is made up or embellished, but a lot of it is true. You may protest, “I’m not a helicopter parent! Or lawnmower parent. I let my kid take risks!” And that may be true, but in general, in our culture, our generation of parents have worked really hard to minimize risks. Of course that is not all bad, but perhaps there are some unintended consequences? What if all of this protection has gotten in the way of Play?
Electronic Doorways (On Accident)
Phones and tablets and computers are doorways that can allow your child to see the world and be seen by the world. It provides new ways to accomplish positive things, and it also all opens up new and creative ways to feel left out. As parents, we have to work VERY hard to guard these new entrances into our homes, in ways that our parents didn’t have to consider. What if these new doorways have caused our kids to grow up in a different culture than we did?
A Scary Experiment
According to his book,
“Our kids are suffering from a mental health crisis. The shift from a “play-based childhood” to a “phone-based childhood” has led to social isolation, disrupted sleep, diminished focus, and expectations of instant gratification. At the same time, the rise in intensive parenting has created a harmful paradox: Kids have been overprotected offline and underprotected online.”
-Excerpt from Free The Anxious Generation, by Dr. Becky Kennedy and Jonathan Haidt
In his book, he shares statistic after statistic that all point to the fact that our kids are growing up in a totally different world. Even if your kids do not have phones or devices, they are growing up around kids who have been shaped by this scary cultural experiment. The ‘water that they’re swimming in’ will certainly affect them, regardless, but it will be especially toxic if we don’t do our part to shield them.
What Can We Do?
Jonathan’s challenge to us is simple: “Parents can coordinate with each other to establish four new norms that will roll back the phone-based childhood, improve family life, and protect their children’s mental health.” He then lays out 3 clear guidelines that he thinks will make a powerful difference for our kids:
- No smartphone before high school.
- No social media before 16.
- Give more independence, free play, and responsibility in the real world.
At Our Purposeful Life, we have seen the positive results of these 3 simple interventions. We have tried our best to let them get muddy, and roam a little farther than our comfortable zone. We also started them out very young with responsibilities, chores, and expectations. Our kids have received a locked down smartphone when they received their learner’s permit for the car, and they have eased into social media while they were under our roof.
Jonathan also lays out one last guideline for how we can impact our kids’ school:
4. Advocate for phone-free schools. (Most schools pretend that you can’t have a phone at school, but he means actually No Phones in School.)
It is a good reminder that if we want to impact the culture, it is helpful to band together with other parents to set healthy boundaries that impact everyone. It’s hard to be the one kid at school who doesn’t have their phone out at lunch. It’s much easier if no one has a phone out, so everyone has to engage in conversation.
Don’t Be Anxious
Parents – don’t worry. In the Bible we see the example of Daniel and his 3 friends. They were teenagers in a pagan nation, and they had a confidence and a conviction that empowered them to stand strong against the currents of culture. Our kids can too! Keep the conversations going with your kids! And don’t do this alone. Check out these other resources that you can use to help protect your kids in this Anxious Generation:
Jonathan Haidt’s Resources:
