What is God’s roadmap for parenting? What is God’s driving instructions for raising an adult? Believe it or not, we can find God’s map for the Road to Adulthood in Deuteronomy. It truly lays out the milestones and mountaintop experiences on the path to adulthood.
Daily Faith and Memorable Events
First, our faith must be a part of our daily life. In Deuteronomy 6, God gave the Israelites the expectation that families would talk about God’s word morning and evening, at home and on the road. They would be part of all aspects of the day, no matter where we were.
But God also knew that humans get bored and distracted easily, and that we are prone to forgetfulness. For that reason, He gave them feasts and fasts, which were special ceremonies to make things meaningful and keep them on the forefront of their minds. He gave them Sabbath each week. He gave them Passover and Pentecost and several other feasts each year. The Jewish people then built out a parenting structure that included ceremonial trips to the Temple, like when Jesus was a baby and when he was 12. They also created the bar mitzvah and bat mitzvah rites of passage, and they had elaborate marriage rituals that signified the transition from childhood to adulthood.
We don’t have Scriptural record of what this looked like for Jesus. However, we know that God did create rites of passage for Jesus, at age 30! He was baptized and then was initiated into his ministry by a 40 day wilderness challenge.
In our secular society we have lost both the daily Deuteronomy 6 activities and the lifelong systems and ceremonies that are designed to initiate our sons and daughters into adulthood. As a church family we can build those back in, together. We know so many parents who have made this a priority for their kids, and we are enjoying this process ourselves!
What would this look like? Well, it will look different for every family. However, we have found a few common themes that we call Milestones and Mountaintop experiences
Mile Markers or Milestones
Definition: “An action or event marking a significant change or stage in development.”
On a family road trip, mile markers are set-in-stone reminders of where you are in the world. We encounter these in our kids’ lives as well. As parents we have to pay attention to the mile markers that each child is hitting. Things like birthdays, going into kindergarten, earning a driver’s license, and starting puberty. They mark the normal path each child takes on their way to adulthood. Other possible mile markers are when your child is eligible to go to Youth Group and Summer Camp.
These are natural steps along the journey to adulthood. Some are really meaningful and memorable, and others really just fade into the ‘normal path of life.’ As you encounter these, it is an opportunity to pause and have ‘conversations along the way.’ For example, be ready to talk about what is going to happen and help give them the tools to navigate the next steps in their journey. These can be very meaningful conversations, at crucial moments. It also allows you to lay the foundation of truth about that subject matter before the world infiltrates their ideas into their minds.
There are other milestones that focus more on relationships that you can weigh into and set the tone and expectations of how to navigate the upcoming situations. These can include situations like walking through first dating relationships and school dance. Technology training is so important. We can’t just give them their first smart phone without the proper training. As they get older intentional conversations on Money management/personal finance, how to apply for their first job, what career to choose, where to go to college are milestones the invite conversations. These milestone moments will differ from family to family and kid to kid. What’s important is that you prepare and take the time to recognize and lead your child through the steps.
Mountaintop Experiences
Definition: “A moment of profound revelation, clarity, or intense spiritual connection, often signifying a feeling of being especially close to God or experiencing a significant personal insight.”
These are the most meaningful destinations along the journey where we stop and reflect and celebrate! As parents, we have the ability to create a small handful of important experiences that your child will never forget. These could be ceremonies, dinners, events that allow you to speak truth, life and encouragement into your child. It’s a time for bigger conversations. Some might even include a hard challenge. There are 5 core experiences that we like to focus on, but the Adventures can be combined or expanded, depending on the family.
- Salvation
- Baptism (Age varies but they should be old enough to remember it.)
- Starting the path to adulthood (usually 13th or 14th birthday)
- Adventures/Trips, ideally these 3, but can be consolidated:
- Overseas Mission Trip (age varies)
- Trip/Experience/Hard Challenge (sometime in high school)
- Junior/Senior Trip with a Parent (around 18/19)
- Graduation from High School (usually 18 or 19)
Resources:
As you think about your child, what milestones are ahead? What Mountaintop Experiences would you like to create for them?
Here is a resource we have created to help you map out the Milestones and Mountaintop experiences for your child. You can do this!
The Road to Adulthood
